Sunday, April 22, 2012

50 Shades of are you effing kidding me?

I'm going to tell you something that might come as a shock, I enjoy writing.  I have always secretly harbored the desire to become a famous writer, just like everyone else in the world.  Realistically I knew that it was just a pipe-dream and I would never actually be "the next David Sedaris", but now I have been given a glimmer of hope!  This glimmer of hope is actually better described as "50 Shades of Grey" or as I like to call it "Steaming Pile of Shit".

I am greatly upset that my species is going ape over something that is not only offensive to women, but more importantly SO poorly written. I find it offensive that what's-her-vag in the story doesn't act on her real desires because what's-his-wang won't like them.  I have only read excerpts because I don't have the stomach for poorly written fan fiction.  It blows my mind that people are paying money to read this.  Buy "The Story of O" if you want some erotica, watch a porn, I mean you can even get porn FOR FREE on the internet.

I know, I know 'different strokes' blahblahblah but listen to this and tell me you don't get secondhand embarrassment over how terrible the writing is.  It's bad when the least disturbing this about this video is that it is read by Cookie Monster.


NOT SAFE FOR WORK, ALSO NOT SAFE FOR LIFE.



So as you might have guessed. I'm rather hopeful now about the becoming a famous author thing.  I mean if this shit can get published and be on the New York Times Bestseller list then surely to God my hysterical chronicling of my absurd life experiences will fly off the shelves.  I even try to use proper grammar and I have a really good editor who will find all of my typos.  I will also have a way more interesting cover image on my book because I'm hoping to get Lisa Frank to illustrate it with lots of glitter and rainbows.

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