this is why you have to stay in school

As most of you know I'm in college right now.  I'm doing really well in school and I'm pretty proud of myself.  The only thing I've gotten a "B" in this time around is one of my math courses and it's just a straight up miracle that I passed it.  I'm terrible at math.  I actually have dyscalculia but I try not to use that as an excuse since I also have dyslexia and I read and write like a maniac.  The point is that math doesn't make any sense to me at all. In real life I have a calculator AND a mother-in-law who has taught math for more years than I've been alive so I'm not terribly worried about it.  This is not about math though, this is about school.

Right now I'm being forced to turn in a cover letter, resume, and follow up letter "portfolio" for my final pre-req class before I can start my program.  Herein lies the problem.  I look TERRIBLE on paper.  I'm not being cute or sarcastic.  Here is the truth about me, I really really hate doing things that I don't want to do.  

To begin let's start where most people start: school.  Well let's see, I dropped out of high school when I was 16, I was homeschooled for a year and then I took my GED.  I also got pregnant somewhere in between that amount of time.  I DID go back to college for a quarter after getting my GED but I wasn't serious and I ended up failing a class (thanks for messing up our GPA young Jacki). I am back in school now obviously, and I have been since 2010 and this time I'm serious.

My only job experience that lasted longer than one month was when I worked at a movie theater for a year when I was 16.  It completely ruined me for life because it gave me some seriously flawed expectations of what "working" was going to be. We were all young and no one was really telling anyone what to do.  The theater was shitty & literally falling in so no one really took work very seriously, we got to keep drinks under the counters, we took smoke breaks whenever we wanted to smoke (even the people who didn't actually smoke), we played with  Ouija boards, we sometimes did things to mess with the customers like hitting the floor when a movie dropped and the bell rang.  It was all good fun but seriously left me with completely ridiculous expectations of what the real workforce was going to be like.

Other than that "job experience" I worked at a donut shop for 3 days once before I quit, I worked in a money counting place for about a month before I got fired, and I worked as a hostess at a restaurant  for 2 months before I got fired.  The last one actually wasn't my fault. I got fired because they thought I was kidding about being sick and just skipping work & when I came in spending all of my time in the bathroom.  A month later I'd find out that I was so sick because I was pregnant but it was too little info too late.

I have never volunteered for anything in my life.  I was never in any groups or clubs in school.  I did do dance team/ flag team but I hardly think they'd find that impressive.

If you want to find things impressive about me you really need to go backward in time.  I won tons of trophies as a kid for dance and pageants, I played on a terrible basketball team, I won the 4th grade social science fair, I was a cheerleader for a year, I got published in a book of poetry, I played piano (and my teacher made me play one handed after a basketball injury left me with a broken arm, he had a stroke and could only play with 1 hand so I had no excuse), I starred in several school and church plays, I taught Vacation Bible School. Would you hire this kid?  Because I totally would!

I think resumes should reflect who you are instead of what you've accomplished...or both if you are really proud of your work accomplishments.  For instance, I would much rather read a nice little list of informal descriptions of a person than a list of things they've done academically.  Maybe it's just me but I think that:

"I like drinking wine, hula hooping, watching sci-fi, reading books, spending time with my husband and son, reading, blogging, painting, and Hello Kitty." 

is a much better description of the person that I'm hiring than something like this:

"I went to SUPER IMPORTANT SCHOOL, here's my paper to prove it!  I also worked at IMPORTANT COMPANY for a very very long time!"

This person could really be saying:

"Look I have the paper to prove I went to school! I totally passed with a 'D'!  Also my dad's grandfather started a company and I'm on the payrolll so it looks like I've done something with my life! Sometimes I come in to flirt with the secretary and steal lunches out of the staff room refrigerator.  I'm basically waiting for my family to die off so I inherit their fortune."

The really crappy thing about all of this is that I have accomplished certain things, but I don't have any paper to prove it.  I am constantly teaching myself new things just because I like learning but being self taught doesn't go very far on paper.  I know HTML and CSS coding, I'm currently teaching myself JavaScript, and I'm a photoshop ninja. Yes, I can fix your computer, it probably isn't actually broken. I know how to use Linux.  I can tell you more than most doctors know about autism, gluten, casein, enzymes, and vaccines. I know a lot about various feral children. I can argue something I don't even believe for hours and have you think you believe it in the end.  I can rollerskate forward and backward. I can slay dragons (okay that's USUALLY only in video games).  My point is that I have a lot of knowledge that is sometimes useful but because I haven't gone to school for it it apparently isn't "good enough".

I do know one thing though.  It's what keeps me going. And that one thing is this: When that dragon shows up at your place of business you are seriously going to regret not having hired me.

The Longest Day Ever & it isn't even noon yet...

My mother is having a minor surgery on her foot as I type this. The procedure is something they do all the time and it's not a big deal so I wasn't particularly worried about it until she told me about how she dreamed the Angel of Death came to get her.  Thanks mom!  Things like that always creep me out because I'm weird and I think that dreams are important.  So I've been slightly worried about it all last night and this morning.

Cut to me getting Alden out of bed for school. I was trying to help him with a stubborn button on a pair of jeans (I eventually gave up myself it was so ridiculously stubborn) when he suddenly whirled around and hung his head over the toilet like he was going to vomit.  I figured he was going to puke right then but he just burped an excessive amount and then came back to try on some different jeans.  I asked him if he was going to throw up and he said "No!", then I asked him if he was sick and needed to stay home and sleep and he said "Yes!".  At this point I figured he wasn't feeling well so we each grabbed our blankets and pillows and went into the living room.  Once you have cleaned puke out of a bed multiple times in a night and rotated ALL of that bed's sheets until you are completely out you know to set up camp in the living room.

A few hours go by and he starts jumping around and messing with the TV (I'm still trying to sleep in a contortionist pose in the recliner of course) and just generally acting NOT SICK.  I asked him if he was tricking me just so that he could stay home and he said "No!" I asked him if he still felt bad or if he was ready to go to school and he said he was "I'm SOOO sick!" I thought I'd been had.  I scolded him for lying about not feeling well to get out of going to school.  Then an hour later he barfs everywhere and I feel terrible.  Thankfully the barf all made it into the "barf trash can" and I'd double bagged the can.  I learned that lesson the hard way, you have not KNOWN disgusting until you have someone else's vomit running down your leg on account of a hole in the bottom of the plastic bag you were counting on to hold the vomit.

After that I go toss the vomit bags in the trash bin outside and then come back inside to wash my hands.  I already wash my hands obsessively because of my germaphobia, and if someone even mentions the word "sick" you'll see me reaching for my hand sanitizer.  Imagine my horror when THERE IS NO RUNNING WATER IN MY HOUSE.  It is supposed to be back on "sometime after 2 PM", which is super helpful to me, the person who did not even come close to touching vomit but feels like she's bathed in it.  I need a hazmat suit for such occasions.  Shortly after all this insanity I discovered that today is World Water Day.  Oh irony!  I can't help but think the universe is having a huge laugh at my expense today.

The worst part of this day has been that I haven't been able to share all this with my mother, who is the only person I know would truly see the ridiculous humor in all of this.  Hopefully she can read this after her surgery (perhaps when she's still high) and we'll have a nice laugh...unless she dies...if that happens I have to start planning her Viking Funeral.

probably the most boring update ever

March is always a whirlwind of crazy at my house.  It's our "half the family has a birthday this month" month. I assume most families have a month (or maybe even two) like that.  There's also St. Patrick's Day and The Hunger Games and of course the return of Mad Men.

What? You don't schedule your life around TV?  You might if you watched Mad Men.  It's my favorite currently running show. To steal a line from everyone's favorite insane childcare specialist "It's practically perfect in every way".  If you haven't watched it check it out on Netflix.  Give it a solid season before you decide if you like it or not.  It's a very character driven plot and they are great with continuity. 

Other than partying my ass off with my family 2 weekends in a row and then partying my ass of with family & friends last weekend I have decided that there needs to be less of my ass in general. Someone took some photos at one of the parties and I was so mad at myself that I stopped exercising and let myself get so out of shape.  Then I got on the scale (something I haven't done in AGES) and I was exactly at the weight I told myself I'd never get to again. It's my "plateau zone" where I would have to overeat to really gain any weight but I look fluffy and I feel uncomfortable being this size.  I've been working out really hard and I've already seen a dip in the number on the scale but I am NOT going to get number obsessed.  I'm doing things that I have done previously that I know work for me. I am not following any specific program but I do use things from programs I've done before. I am planning to weigh myself once a week.  So far this is what I've been doing:  

• 45 minutes of muscular structure exercises
• 45 minutes of cardio
• hooping for at least 15 minutes a day
• actually eating breakfast
• eating small healthy snacks
• drinking more water/tea/coffee 
• drinking less Diet Pepsi (Don't even bother trying to get me to give this up. That will NEVER happen. It gives me life)

I am not "counting calories" but I am not ignoring them totally either.  I already feel a TON better.  My skin is clearing up and my stomach is becoming much less flabby.  One thing that really helps me is when I'm doing my workouts I watch Netflix.  I watch an episode for muscular exercises and and episode for cardio.  I'm always a fan of multitasking.  I've also trained myself to use my e-reader while hooping.  I'm pretty pleased with how everything in my life is going at the moment so I'm going to keep this up and hopefully I'll feel better and look better as well. (Don't worry this isn't going to turn into a fitness blog, if I ever do that I'll make another blog for it).

I'm going to see The Hunger Games movie on Friday which I'm pretty psyched about. I hope they get to make Catching Fire because that is where all my favorite characters are introduced (except Haymitch who is my very favorite). 

I'll be back with a more interesting update soon. I just hadn't posted in a bit and wanted to assure you that my blog and myself are both alive and kickin.

Happy International Women's Day!

In honor of International Women's Day I present to you a small list of female targeted books, sites, movies, and TV shows that I personally have enjoyed. I recommend these to anyone who is looking for something new to read or watch. Some of them are more serious but others are just for fun, basically I've tried to include something for everyone!

Read these
Cunt: A Declaration of Independence
The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women
White Oleander*
The Hours*
BUST Magazine
Bitch Magazine
Ms. Magazine
http://feministfrequency.com/
http://feminist.org/
http://www.gender-focus.com/
http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/
http://feministing.com/

Watch These
MissRepresentation
The Business of Being Born
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Thelma & Louise
A League of Their Own

*indicates that there is a movie as well but that the book is superior.

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

Obsessed with this song at the moment.

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss.

Watching Addams Family.

Drinking wine.

Eating chocolates.

Didn't die in the really bad storms today.

Today was good.

We shall call this a success.