I fall asleep quite easily unless I'm anxious. My problem has always been staying asleep once I get there. I am constantly plagued with nightmares and night sweats so a "good night's sleep" is something I don't take for granted. If I get a good night's sleep I will probably tell you about it the next day if I come into contact with you, that's how rare it is.
I was sick 2 weeks ago, so sick that I actually slept on the couch for like 5 nights and ended up going to the doctor. If you know me then you'll know that I hate going to the doctor. I'm not afraid of doctors or needles or anything at the doctor's office (except the scale of course) but I HATE putting medication in my body. I am a terribly paranoid person who has hypochondria and if I so much as see the side effects of the medicine I'm positive I'm going to have EVERY SINGLE ONE of them. So I've mostly started just trashing the important info when I get home and calling my nurse friends if I am convinced I'm going to die from medication side effects. Anyway, I went to the doctor, got some antibiotics and prescription cough medication (that was LOVELY and made me high as a kite), trashed the side effect info and actually finished my medication like a good girl. I felt much better!
Fast forward exactly 2 weeks I am sick again, with the same symptoms just much less severe. I have had enough sinus infections in my life to know that this one will probably just go away, but it doesn't make me feel better now. So I am just drinking lots of water, blowing my nose and insane amount, eating cough drops like they are candy, and trying to get some rest.
I slept like crap last night between bouts of nightmares and waking up to cough my head off. So I decided one of the 57 times I woke up that I would just sleep in because Alden gets off the bus between 2-3 and there is no way I could possibly ever sleep that late in the day. Around 9 AM I start sleeping soundly. The next thing I remember is waking up in a panic because someone is beating on the door. I woke up (and woke Josh up) thinking it had to be Josh's dad because he's retired and everyone else would be at work at noon. I jump out of bed as fast as I can (like I said they were beating the door so I assumed he'd been out there a while), I throw on the Victoria's Secret sweatsuit I'd worn yesterday, and round the corner to the kitchen to get the door.
Who do I see? Well I JUST woke up and this woman sort of resembles my aunt, she waves all friendly like you would to someone you know and so I go to the door and open it. Mistake? YES.
I seriously looked EXACTLY like this when I went to the door.
From this point on the actual exchange of words will be in normal text and the commentary that I was thinking will be in italics.
LADY: Hello Ma'am!
Do NOT call me ma'am that is what you call old people.
ME: Hello.
LADY: Are you aware of the internet's social media sites that people use such as Facebook and The Twitter?
THE TWITTER? Is she serious right now?
ME: Yes, I am very familiar with both of them.
LADY: Well are you aware that there are dangers out there that you might not know about?
Am I AWARE that there are dangers that I don't know about? How would that even work? THERE ARE NOW DANGERS ON THE INTERNET! THERE NEVER WERE BEFORE! AOL WAS A SAFEHAVEN!!!
ME: Yes, but we're all very careful.
LADY: Well we're here today to talk to you about them, I see you weren't expecting company but if you could just give us a moment of your time.
"weren't expecting company?" How dare you! I look really fancy right now with my VS Sweat Suit and my "YOU EFFING WOKE ME UP" hair. Maybe next time if you call first we can work something out...like me not ever answering the door again.
ME: I'm kind of really busy right now, but I will be happy to take your pamphlet and look at it.
YOU WENCH! You woke me up! I will be glad to take your pamphlet and read it specifically for comedic purposes and then I shall post a blog about it on THE EVIL INTERNETS!
She gave me the pamphlet and threatened to come back 'another day'.
It is at that moment that I decide I shall make a sign for my door that says "unless you are selling beer, glitter, or books I don't want any".
I closed the door.
JOSH: What was all that about?
ME: They are trying to save me from THE EVIL INTERNET. I miss the good old days when they just came around annoying you about their religion.
Then I actually bother to look at the front of the pamphlet (which is more like a magazine once I look at it. It says "WHAT SHOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT SOCIAL NETWORKING" really huge at the top and then has some clearly satanic girl wearing a turtleneck sweater dress using the evil internets on a smartphone. Then at the bottom in VERY small letters is the only subheading on the pamphlet which says "How should we pray to GOD?"
VERY SNEAKY. I see what you did there. OMG PARENTS YOUR CHILDREN ARE BEING ON THE TWITTER TALKING TO THE DEVIL!
Also: DO YOU LOVE JESUS?!
I don't have a problem with people who are religious at all. I was raised in a religious household and most of my family and friends are religious. However, I find it interesting that they are using what I'd consider deception to get people to look at their pamphlets. I mean why not put the part about God really big? Or at least where someone could read that part when you are waving it in their face talking about something completely unrelated.
Not only that but "How should you pray?" I did go to church for 14 years of my life and I'm pretty sure that praying was something that was between you and God and it was no one's business and there were no specific rules about it.
P.S. the best part of this was that the lady went to my kitchen door which means that she had to pass both Saint Frances and Buddha to get there. I bet she was confused about what kind of evil I am. (Sidebar: I'm normal person evil, I just collect religious figures because I like them)
Anyway, that is how the lovely sleep I'd FINALLY drifted off into was interrupted today. I just want you guys to know that the internet is evil, especially Facebook and THE TWITTER.
*If you would like to follow my EVIL tweets you can find them here. I'll have to add you first though because it's private. In case the devil tries to add me!
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