WAYYY back when I had morals

Believe it or not, there was a time many many moons ago when I was not a snarky bitch. In fact, I was the complete opposite of the lovely person that I've grown to be. I'm sure my parents are at least slightly disappointed, but I don't feel badly about it at all. I'm sure your parents are slightly disappointed in you too. It's kind of their gig.

This was back in the 1990s when "shut up" was a bad word and PeeWee was known for his acting. I went to church every Sunday. I was nice to everyone in my class (even the scuzzy kids). I played nicely with my sister most of the time even though she was kind of a bitch back then. My favorite show was -no joke- Little House on the Prairie. Those Ingles morals must have really made an impression on my young mind because I know I never paid attention in church at that age (or ever).

Anyway, I was very nice little girl blah blah blah. My parents allowed us to watch The Simpsons before bed each week. There was an episode called "Two Cars in Every Garage And Three Eyes on Every Fish" in which Bart Simpson who was my cartoon crush at the time decided to break my heart into a billion little pieces.

HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY ADORABLE LITTLE HEART BART SIMPSON! LOOK HOW CUTE I WAS!

He said the following prayer:

"Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing"

It was at that moment that I stomped out the room, threw my hands in the air and declared I would never ever watch The Simpsons again. Or at least that's how I remember it. Bart's blasphemous prayer had sparked a fire in me and I was no longer going to watch my favorite cartoon because of my upstanding morality.

This is one of my parents favorite stories to tell, I suppose because of the way I turned out. I will say one thing though that "HOW DARE YOU!?" mentality was obviously there from the get go. I still get mad and throw my arms in the air, or facepalm, or headdesk. These days it's just way more likely to be about something important.

NAILF

This is a blog I've been meaning to write for a while now. It's similar to my "Top 10 Guys I'd Like to Find Under my Christmas Tree", but this one is specifically about NAILF (or News Anchors I'd Like to F". I realized recently I have a thing for people who deliver the news...so I thought this would be a fun little list to make.

STEPHEN COLBERT

He is lovely and smart and he DGAF. He is who he is and he never apologizes for it. He teaches Sunday School on Sunday and writes funny books in his spare time.

JON STEWART

He is hilarious, he is smart, his writing is amazing and he advocates for autism. He is talented and beautiful. LOOK AT DEM EYES.

RACHEL MADDOW

Bet you didn't see that one coming! Rachel is sexy, snarky, and a feminist so I think we'd make brilliant girlfriends because I'm all of those things too!

BRIAN WILLIAMS

It took me until a few years ago to even realize his face is completely sideways like Little Nicky. That is how in love with him I am. He's still perfect to me.

ANDERSON COOPER

JUST LOOK AT HIS FACE. If you don't understand then I'm sorry about your terrible taste. And yes, I realize he's gay but I do not care.

TOM BROKAW

my first news anchor crush. This man's voice rivals Alan Rickman & Morgan Freeman for my favorite voice ever. I want him to read me the phone book and tell me about the days before everyone had television.

Top 10 Guys I'd like to find under my Christmas tree

I am a happily married girl, but everyone has celebrity crushes and that's a wonderful & healthy thing. So even though I think my husband is the hottest, most wonderful, & patient man ever (because he absolutely is), this is a list of 10 guys I'd love to wake up to find that Santa Claus had left me under the tree. (In no particular order, except Jon Hamm, he's definitely #1).

Jon Hamm

If this one requires explanation I don't really know what to say except that you are undeserving of having the sense of sight.

Norman Reedus
BAMF. I've loved him since the original Boondock Saints movie. He's beautiful but rugged. No one's character can even get close to being as kickass as Daryl Dixon on The Walking Dead. If they kill him off there's a good chance I'll stop watching because he is the only character on the show currently that I like at all.

Nathan Fillion
Caleb, Captain Mal, Captain Hammer, Castle, this guy's resume is a huge amazing nerd fest! He is really lovely to his fans, he interacts with people on Twitter, he's beautiful, and he's definitely one of the King Geeks. What I'm saying is Captain Mal can get it.

Marlon Brando - circa A Streetcar Named Desire
I know, I know, this one is kind of far fetched but Santa Claus is MAGIC! I have absolute faith that he can make this happen. While watching Streetcar I have really conflicting emotions because I think of myself as a feminist and his character is HORRIBLE but LOOK AT HIM.

Gary Oldman
He is such a great actor. You literally forget you're looking at Gary and believe him as anyone he is trying to be. He can play any part and he plays them all amazingly. Plus, look at him, he's really hot. I'd have to try really hard to overlook the fact that he's a republican but for that face I think I can do it.

Donald Glover
I fell in love with the entire cast of Community but there's just something so endearing about Troy. When I found out he did music I wasn't expecting much (I'm not a big rap fan) but I really love his music as well. My husband & I went to see him do stand-up and do a show last year and it was amazing.

Ian Somerhalder

My friend and I were discussing how unfairly attractive he is the other day. It's kind of ridiculous. I loved him on Lost but I just can't bring myself to watch Vampire Diaries.

Ryan Gosling
An exception to my "I don't really likes blondes" rule. He has done a lot of movies I don't care about and have never seen (Yes, I am talking about The Notebook). Recently he's started making movies that I enjoy such as Blue Valentine, Drive, and The Ides of March, thus the crush began.

Damien Rice
Who doesn't love a guy with a guitar? I'm sure after we broke up he'd write mean songs about me, but that's okay, it'd be awesome while it lasted.

The Doctor
This one is cheating because there's actually 11 doctors but I'd gladly take any version. If I had to pick I'd probably go with 9 because our personalities would be best suited for one another. Traveling all through time and space would pretty much be the most amazing thing ever! Plus, once the Doctor dies you get a whole new regenerated version of him!

Tactile Tuesday Week 2

Hey look! I remembered! Tactile Tuesday Week 2 coming at you! So this week I've decided to review/discuss some of the things I got for Christmas You can see what I got in it's entirety in the previous post. We're going to start off with my favorite cartoon ever...


Yes, Daria!

I received Daria: The Complete Series on DVD from my totally awesome mother. Daria was a kick ass cartoon on MTV for 5 seasons. I watched Daria religiously growing up and had a fabulous poster of her in my room. I related to Daria in pretty much every single way, I looked like her, I was sarcastic like her, I had a family rather similar to hers, and I was a teenager.

During the run of the show I was a loyal fan, even in the last season when I felt like everything I knew and loved about Daria had changed. Watching it back now, I understand it better, Daria grew up. I have too since then and now I can really appreciate her growth as a character. Back then I was annoyed at the changes, now I am appreciative.

The reason it took Daria so long to come out on DVD was they were battling about the rights to the music. I have to say that I don't particularly miss the original music, yes, it would have added a little something that would make me smile because grunge music is still my favorite music ever, but I am not devastated that I don't get to hear the Pumpkins, Hole, or Nirvana in the background of the show. Those old friends are all on my iPod anyway.

The next thing I want to review is For Audrey nail polish by China Glaze.


As soon as I found this color I was in love. I ran out and bought two bottles. This Tiffany inspired color is absolutely lovely. One coat would suffice if you just wanted to paint you nails but two really brings it to the true Tiffany color. The consistency is what you always get with China Glaze, not runny and not too thick, pretty much perfect.

That's it for now. I'll be back soon with more awesome things for you to check out. I hope everyone had a Happy Holiday and that the New Year brings about changes for the better for all of us.