"when I was your age"

One of the worst parts of getting older is that you find yourself saying things that your parents said when you were going up.

*sigh* "Kids these days..."
"When I was your age..."
"You don't know how good you have it..."

This morning I found myself saying "When I was your age" and it really freaked me out.  I don't like thinking about the fact that I'm technically an adult person and I certainly don't like thinking about the fact that I'm now closer to thirty than I am to twenty.

This morning I handed Alden my phone for a second so that I could help him get ready to go to the bus stop.   I told him "Here hold this, if it says 6:00 before I take it back from you let me know."  (Yes, his bus comes obscenely early).   Within a minute the phone went black so the time on the screen was no longer visible.  He then pushed the "Menu" button to make it light back up.  Since my phone is shitty and doesn't lock like it's supposed to pushing that button actually brought up the menu with several options on the screen.  He immediately started tapping on them with his finger.  Then he announced "Mama, it's broken!" Then it dawned on me...he has no idea that my phone isn't a touch screen because everyone else's phones are.

So of course I said "This is an older phone. You have to push buttons, you don't make it go with the touch screen. When I was your age no one I knew even HAD a cell phone. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 16 and it was way too big to shove in my pocket."  I kind of rolled my eyes at myself after having heard what I said because it sounded so old and strange coming from my mouth.  Then the reality of the situation began to hit me.

He will never have a phone with buttons, he will never carry around a Nokia with the size (and durability) of a brick.  He has an iPad and an iPod and no idea that not all cell phones are touch screen activated.  He only goes to one house regularly that even has a home phone line.  He has no concept of payphones or pagers and he probably never will.

The fact that I remember getting a cordless home phone and a MASSIVE computer and them both being "kind of a big deal" at that point in time seems so strange now.  It makes me wonder what kind of crazy contraptions they'll have out in 20 more years that will make him roll his eyes about how when he was a kid all that he had was an iPad 2 and a flat screen computer.  I can't wait to start calling him asking questions the equivalent to those I've gotten from my elders such as "OMG HELP! I DELETED THE RECYCLE BIN! NOW I CAN'T DELETE ANYTHING!" or of course the "I DELETED THE INTERNET!" that I'm sure we've all heard at least once.  I just hope he's still nice enough to drive me around town in his hovercraft when I'm too old to see properly.

How to Accidentally Tell on Your Future Self

‎"Should you really be watching Family Guy?" - me
"I'm sorry!" - Alden
-two seconds of silence-
"FOUR MINUTES LATER. I forgot, I'm sorry!" - Alden
"SPOILERS ALDEN! SPOILERS!" - Me

the evolution of strong female characters

Earlier today I was on tumblr reblogging things as nerds and fangirls often do.  I was then reminded of something I've wanted to write about but had forgotten about. Strong female leads in TV shows.  As a female and a feminist I am attracted to media with strong female leads.  I'm not saying there aren't problems with how strong female leads are portrayed in books and movies but today I want to talk about television specifically.

As I said I was on tumblr and I reblogged a photoset of a show I'm a pretty big fan of.  The image was of promo shots from each season of the show.  In the first image the female lead has short hair, folded arms, "natural makeup" (meaning that she looks as if she isn't wearing any), and she is showing absolutely no skin except for her face, neck and part of her hand.  In the second season promo her hair is a bit longer, she still has "natural makeup", she is posed sitting casually on her desk, but her top is low cut.  Our season three photo has our star with full on pretty wavy hair and makeup, she has on a button down shirt unbuttoned to show quite a lot of sideboob, she is posing back to back with our male lead with their hands out reaching toward the audience because they are handcuffed together.  Finally, the fourth season promo more closely resembles a makeup advertisement than a TV show one.  She looks like she should be advertising mascara, her makeup is perfect, and her teeth are unnaturally white.  The whole ad is heavily photohopped except for our male lead's eye wrinkles, because guys get hotter as they age and women have to have the skin of infants forever or be shamed.  How dare we live another year and get older?!

The reason I wanted to write this is because this is not the only show that this happened on.  In fact I am watching more than one show right now where this exact same thing has happened.  In the beginning they make the female character as masculine as possible so that she can be taken seriously by the audience.  Then as the show progresses she's allowed to wear a little makeup, then show some skin, then she will be allowed to have feelings besides "hard", "cold" and "wanting to kick everyone's ass".  This is a problem for a multitude of reasons.

First off why do women have to come into the show as masculine to be seen as a strong lead?  Secondly, if they decide to downplay the makeup and hair in the first seasons then why not continue to do so?  Why does every female lead suddenly turn into a glamour model around season three?  It irks me.  Does this bother anyone else?   Can you think of any shows that don't follow this trope?  Buffy is the only one I can think of off the top of my head.


(I intentionally did not specify the show because it doesn't matter what show it is, it matters that we recognize that this is a problematic trope.)

don't even question it

I asked on Facebook the other day if I did a Q&A if people would actually ask me questions and some of you said yes.  So here's the first set of questions.  This will not become a "regular thing", because I hate scheduled blogs and some people are just here to read funny things. So when I'm bored and out of content I'll answer some questions!  It can be anything from a simple question like my favorite color to something political that will cause me to rant on for more than anyone has any interest in reading.  It gives you some say in what I post and it gives me content for when I'm having a hard time coming up with anything or too sad to be funny. So feel free to ask away!


Why did you start this blog?

I started blogging originally in (I believe) 2004.  My first blog was on LiveJournal under the handle "starrie_fairy".  I then proceeded to change my username a billion times.  I'm surprised I still have any friends over there at all.  They must really like me.  I still have a blog over there.  No, you absolutely can't read it, it's way less funny than this and I'm pretty damn picky about who I add over there.

I started using blogspot to document my son's journey with autism on my other blog PDD & Me.  I then realized that I wanted a place to just post things that I liked, or found funny, or just whatever, at the same time I didn't want to open my Livejournal account and make it public.  So that is how "rust and stardust" came to be.

Where did you blog name come from?

I'm not sure if you mean the blog title or the URL so I'll answer for both. The are both actually fragments from poems that I like.

"rust and stardust" is part of the closing line from Humbert Humbert's poem "Wanted" from the novel Lolita.

"ghost of a locomotive" is from Allen Ginsberg's poem "Sunflower Sutra", which is my favorite poem.

Can I follow you on Twitter?

If you ask nicely, don't mind cursing (no really), and let me know what your Twitter handle is then maybe.  My tweets are protected mostly because I got tired of spam & strangerbitches @replying me for things taken completely out of context.

Can I add you on Tumblr?

Yep! I'm anotherwendybird.  

Can I add you on Facebook?

No, not if I don't know you.  Sorry!

Can I ask you a question for the next Q&A?

Yep, ask away!  Feel free to ask me anything in the comments or submit your questions to BAMFmanicpixie@gmail.com. Anything goes so ask whatever, if it's too weird I'll probably just answer you with sarcasm.

DO ALL THE THINGS!!!

Hey kids! Remember somewhere slightly further down this page when I wrote a blog and it was "Things I'm obsessed with right now but this type of blog might never happen again so just enjoy the stuff I post today!"

Guess what?  In the short span of time since that last post I have found more awesome things that people need to know about and love!  I know!  I'm excited too.

First off, I am currently reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened which is written by one of my favorite bloggers The Bloggess.  I have spent the majority of the book crying because I was laughing so hard. I will admit that I did ugly cry out of sadness a bit at the anxiety disorder chapter because as they say "I know that feel bro".  I had to put it down once because I literally couldn't breathe because of the hysterical laughter/crying combination coming from my face.  I bet the cars on the road & my son's bus driver thought I was insane standing on the side of the road laugh/crying to myself,

I purchased the aforementioned book on "the best date ever" this weekend, which means "I drug my husband to the mall to buy me a book and then to see a movie he had no interest in".  Have I ever mentioned that my husband is awesome?  Because he is.  This is where I would link his blog if he were mentally unstable enough to need to prattle on to no one on the internet like the rest of us, but he doesn't have one.  I know, somehow he is mentally stable enough to not need a blog but he's married to me, I don't know how the hell that works either. Now that I think about it, it's probably for the best because if he had a blog it would probably just exist as a testament to the really embarrassing things that I say (like the time I told him that Asia was a country).  Hey he is STILL married to me, I don't get it either, but I'm really thankful for it.

Anyway, I am getting sidetracked. On "the best date ever" we went to Olive Garden & then to the mall because clearly God hates us & that's the only place with a Barnes & Noble.  Then I made him to see The Cabin In The Woods because deep down I knew that he wouldn't hate it.  Finding a movie that I LOVE and he doesn't hate is kind of hard sometimes.  We both like action movies and comic book movies but that's pretty much where the overlap stops.  I like indie movies about misfits, and he likes slapstick comedy and romantic comedy.  No really, once he bought "Drive Me Crazy" when were were dating, and its's been what? 10 years and I am still making fun of him for it. Romantic movies of any kind make me want to punch the entire word in the face so I try not to watch them.

Back to my point, The Cabin in the Woods is a "horror" movie but it's more of a thriller/action movie. It is a Joss Whedon movie.  If you don't know who Joss Whedon is, he is the only reason you'll ever hear me sound like a hipster.  Boyfriend is about to be one of those directors who EVERYONE knows and I'm happy for him but I LOVED HIM FIRST AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.  He is the genius behind Buffy, Firefly, Serenity, and Dollhouse.  He's also the dude who is about to blow your mind with "The Avengers" in a couple of weeks. The point I'm trying to make here is that The Cabin in the Woods movie is an amazing work of genius and if you don't go see it on the big screen you'll probably be pretty pissed off at yourself later.  I imagine it's just way less exciting on a dinky little TV.

Another thing I'm currently obsessed with is Dubble.  Felicia Day talked about it in one of her Fave Five sessions on The Flog and now I can't stop playing it.  I'm a sucker for bubble shooter games and this one is the best one I've ever played.

I'm currently right in the middle of watching Battlestar Galactica and it is amazing.  It makes me have a lot of feelings and I cry a lot when I watch it, which is odd because I am not really a weepy person.  I cry about TV things way more than real life things.  There is clearly something wrong with me.  But if you haven't seen BSG you should totally check it out if Sci-Fi is your thing.  If sci-fi isn't your thing then I'm sorry about your terrible taste in genres.

This concludes my "Things I'm obsessed with right now but this type of blog might never happen again so just enjoy the stuff I post today!" post.  Peace.

50 Shades of are you effing kidding me?

I'm going to tell you something that might come as a shock, I enjoy writing.  I have always secretly harbored the desire to become a famous writer, just like everyone else in the world.  Realistically I knew that it was just a pipe-dream and I would never actually be "the next David Sedaris", but now I have been given a glimmer of hope!  This glimmer of hope is actually better described as "50 Shades of Grey" or as I like to call it "Steaming Pile of Shit".

I am greatly upset that my species is going ape over something that is not only offensive to women, but more importantly SO poorly written. I find it offensive that what's-her-vag in the story doesn't act on her real desires because what's-his-wang won't like them.  I have only read excerpts because I don't have the stomach for poorly written fan fiction.  It blows my mind that people are paying money to read this.  Buy "The Story of O" if you want some erotica, watch a porn, I mean you can even get porn FOR FREE on the internet.

I know, I know 'different strokes' blahblahblah but listen to this and tell me you don't get secondhand embarrassment over how terrible the writing is.  It's bad when the least disturbing this about this video is that it is read by Cookie Monster.


NOT SAFE FOR WORK, ALSO NOT SAFE FOR LIFE.

So as you might have guessed. I'm rather hopeful now about the becoming a famous author thing.  I mean if this shit can get published and be on the New York Times Bestseller list then surely to God my hysterical chronicling of my absurd life experiences will fly off the shelves.  I even try to use proper grammar and I have a really good editor who will find all of my typos.  I will also have a way more interesting cover image on my book because I'm hoping to get Lisa Frank to illustrate it with lots of glitter and rainbows.

I enjoy being a girl...but I'm really kind of terrible at it.

I'm a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl.  In fact I didn't wear a dress voluntarily until I was in my 20s.  Which might stem from the fact that my mother always made us wear dresses on holidays, birthdays, and to church with hairbows that were larger than our heads.

My childhood as a human helicopter.

I am terrible at dressing myself. I bought my first pair of "heels" last year and the heel is an inch thick.  I fall over when I'm barefoot so stilettos are quite likely never going to happen.

I am horrible at cleaning.  I don't know the first thing about cooking.  I hand sewed something once and SURPRISE I sewed it to the leg of my pants!  I just found out how to volumize my hair, and I'm still pretty tragic with makeup though now it's less of a "my eye makeup looks like a panda" thing and more of an "it takes me an hour to make my face look normal" thing.

When people get engaged I don't ask them questions. I say congratulations and smile while thinking "You poor schmucks!"  I only recently realized that this is not the typical girl response.  Apparently I'm supposed to ask how he proposed, I am supposed to ask to see the ring and ask about the wedding date and the colors and what they are going to wear.  I don't care about any of that stuff...that's their personal business.  I didn't even plan my own wedding, why the heck would I care about the details of someone else's?

I also don't ask about people's children.  Apparently having a child of my own is supposed to make me automagically give a crap about EVERY CHILD EVER but I'm missing that chip too.  I love my kid more than anything in the entire world and I would do absolutely anything for him.  I don't really care about anyone else's children*.   I don't care what your kid made on their report card.  Here's a tip: if a person's eyes gloss over when you mention your children,..they don't care.  Assuming everyone with a child wants to hear details about everyone's children is like saying "You have a computer, so do I! Let me tell you all the specs!" to a person who doesn't care about the inter-workings of computers.  They aren't trying to be rude, they enjoy their computer, but they don't particularly care about your graphics card.

While I'm on the topic of kids can I just say that if you talk baby-talk to a baby in front of me that I will have to use EVERYTHING in my body not to punch you in the face.  The baby doesn't understand language, you are supposed to.  Speak it properly.  You look like a dumbass, I promise, even the baby thinks so.

I have always had way more guy friends than girl friends.  The girl friends I do have are awesome and we typically have much more interesting conversations than I do with my guy friends.  The ratio is probably something like 80% male friends and 20% female friends so I by default hang out with guys more often.  I wish I could get to like a 50/50% ratio but I don't really foresee that happening.  Another reason is probably that I'm not a girly girl.  I am loud, I cuss like a sailor, I drink beer, I burp, and I'd rather shoot pool (poorly mind you) than go to a dance club.

Even if you think I'm an asshole, I assure you that I only kind of am.  I am just really awful at realizing these are things I'm supposed to be good at or care about.  I've always been pretty comfortable in my own skin.  I've only just begun to realize that not everyone feels that way.  I have never really cared what anyone else ever thought about me.  I'm  fine with being terrible at "girly things".  As long as I'm okay with myself I don't care if no one else likes me.  I only have to live with myself everyday and I think I'm pretty awesome, even if I am domestically handicapped and have a potty mouth.

*There is a VERY small exception of a few friend's kids that are just really cool.  If I've never asked you about your kid then it's not you.